Work is insane. First of all, OfficeGuy got fired, which I didn't even know about until it was mentioned in passing. He was fired for continuously calling in sick. And then when I was working in the office on Wednesday, I heard a leftover message he'd left last week on voicemail, in which he said he knew he was on probation for missing days, but that he was sick. "More tired than sick, really," he said, "I haven't slept more than a total of four hours in the past week, and I haven't slept in three days." Ellen told me he drinks pots of coffee a day. POTS. And she said, "He has issues." So yeah, apparently he doesn't work there anymore. Weird.

Then two days ago, Ellen said to me that if Sarah came by, that she was leaving a bag of maternity clothes for her. Sarah used to work at the vet hospital (before she got fired), and we'd started to become friends. She seemed spiritual and into pagan stuff and we had a cool day together the one time we hung out. I really liked her! I had hoped we'd become close friends. But then her phone line got disconnected and whenever I tried it, I couldn't get through. And even though I had given her both my home and cell numbers, she never called me again. After a while, I figured she blew me off, and decided maybe the possibility of friendship with her wasn't in the picture.

I haven't seen Sarah since April, I think. When she mentioned the maternity clothes, I looked at Ellen and said, "What?!"

"Remember Sarah who used to work here?"

"Yes. But.. what?!"

"She's 5 months pregnant. She's going to have a baby girl."

"What?! [That's three times, in case you were keeping track...] That's crazy!" I said.

"Yes, it is..... She is crazy," she added quietly.

"What?! She is??"

"Little bit." Ellen said emphatically.

I was about to ask the why's and how's of what she was talking about, but then the day got crazy. Craziness abounds. Office work is a bitch.

So, shit. Is she really crazy? Why would Ellen say that? I talked to Sarah briefly, but we didn't talk about losing touch or hanging out or anything. I just asked about baby names.

Do you see why I'm freaked out to make new friends??! Why do I keep attracting weirdos into my life? Why are all my "new best friends" totally psychotic? Am I subconsciously looking for friends I can "fix"? Is that my problem? Please god, don't let me be one of those kinds of people. Damn it!

Or maybe there's just a hell of a lot of crazy people in the world?

Eve, in L.A., (who I met almost three years ago) was a weird person. Totally self absorbed, always the victim in every circumstance, manipulative, defensive, "I'm always right"... obnoxious.

Jade, from this area (from a year ago), was just a bitch. And I didn't know how bitchy she was until later in the friendship. Or maybe I didn't care to notice, because I was only willing to see her as a great friend. (I tend to do that with people, embrace the good, and be in denial about anything bad...) But, note to self: When a friend is perpetually going through a hard time -- red flag. And when someone is incapable of giving good news, or talking about happy stuff, without also including tales of horrible news... that's also a red flag! Eve and Jade were both like that. Always, always drama.

And Sarah seemed great. Who knows if she has problems or whatever, because only Ellen said that to me. No one else who knows her ever said anything... Hmm. But she is a little chaotic, it seems. She's only slightly older than I am (and I am pretty damn young), and she is pregnant and unmarried (and I think she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore, either) and she and her baby will live with her father. Not that that is terrible or anything; it's just a scary idea. To me, anyway.

I was already aware of the fact that I am not even close to being ready to have a baby, but when my first reaction to Js's pregnancy was one of sheer pity, I felt even more not ready for that stage of my life. Maybe it's wrong of me to feel sorry for her. Maybe she's happy. I'm not sure. I'm just grateful not to be in her shoes.

"Where was I? I forgot the point that I was making..." --TMBG lyric

Right. So I've found some strange people to latch onto as new friends in the past few years. I feel like I should be learning some sort of valuable lesson so that I will stop doing that. I just want to make friends who are nice and happy and have good lives.

Actually, I have a few friends like that at work. I just wish I could see them outside of work, too. And I feel weird, because I don't know the kinds of things to invite people to, or the kinds of parties to throw. And I'm not sure how I'm viewed by them, either. I feel like a huge dork around them a lot of the time, like the "uncool" kid in class, or whatever. I don't listen to their favorite kinds of music, I don't get drunk every weekend, I don't smoke, I don't go to raves on weeknights (or ever, actually), I don't date... I don't have much in common with them, I guess is what I'm saying. And that kind of sucks, because some of the people I work with are really cool.

Still, some of the people I work with are very, very uncool, very rude, condescending, horrible people. People I hate. That's not very enlightened of me, I know. But I truly can't stand at least one person at work. A few co-workers just leave me feeling angry and miserable.

Kind of like Eve and Jade always did. Have you ever had friendships like that? Have you ever said, "But we never actually fight, and she's never done anything truly terrible.. She just annoys me every time I talk to her... But sometimes we laugh and have fun, so we should stay friends, right?"?

I said that in both of those friendships. I put up with more than I maybe should have. Sometimes we stick with stuff we shouldn't. And I'm not sure why. Feelings of obligation, maybe?

All I know is that those kinds of feelings, that kind of strange uncertainty of whether or not to bail, of whether or not I'm actually happy, are the same feelings I have been having with another relationship lately: The relationship between me and my job.

It finally occurred to me that I'm not happy there. I've learned a lot about dog behavior and training, and now I'm ready to move on to something else. Namely, zoo work.

So, I've made a decision: I am going to quit my job. I decided this last night, and I feel utterly relieved. I think this is the right thing to do.

Maybe the great life lesson I was looking for from those friendships-gone-bad is simply the experience to know when it's time to move away from unhealthy relationships and toward things that make me happy in life. It's funny how things can suddenly seem to make sense in retrospect. It's those little quirky things about life I love the most.

Until next time...

~Meg