Sometimes reading other peoples' online journals makes me sad. I read a bunch of them at once, and all of a sudden, I just feel... sad. Empty. Weird. That can't be good, huh?

What is it, though? Is it that I wish I could write like them? Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's that I thought they were a lot like me until that one comment in that one entry, and now they're like a stranger. And the thing is, they ARE strangers. Which is part of what makes me sad, I think. There are people whose journals I read, whose thoughts I ponder, whose souls are bared for all the world to see, who I simply adore. I think they are awesome people, with artistic words, and amazing expression, and I wish ... I wish they were my friends. Because they're not, really. I hardly know any of them, even though I feel like I know them so well. I want to live near them, to hang out, or at the very least, to exchange emails frequently. I feel like so many of them could be my closest friends. And who knows if that will ever happen...

Also, sometimes I read peoples' thoughts, thoughts of things that have happened to them, and I'm either jealous that they have what I never will, or they do things that sound fun and cute such as celebrating their wedding anniversary month-to-month, which I never even thought to do. Or people write about their core group of very best friends that hang out frequently, which I do not have. And I just feel weird about life when I think about everyone else's all together, and I doubt myself, and I wish I had more friends, and I end up feeling kind of pathetic because of all of it.

But when I don't spend so much time reading, and I spend more time living my life, I feel better. (Maybe in some cases I'm reading the wrong journals...) I train dogs. I teach children. I have some cool co-workers. I have the two sweetest cats ever. I have the best husband in all the world.

Sometimes I just feel doubtful and weird because I'm in my 20s and I'm still figuring out who I am, still seeing what my life looks like compared to others', still guaging my own thoughts and feelings by the reactions of other people. Sometimes I feel that way, because it's the start of "girl time" and that always makes me feel super emotional, weepy, and vulnerable (which is exactly how I feel right now). Sometimes I don't like that, but that's the way I am, and it's okay if I'm sensitive. I just need to take really good care of myself during this time, I think. I'm like a hermit crab in between shells.

Well, I'm heading off to bed. Maybe I'll feel better after a good night's sleep.

~Meg