I guess I've just kind of been thinking about a lot of things lately. Oh hell what am I talking about? I think about a lot of things all the time! But generally, I write them down and seeing as how that hasn't been happening enough lately, I feel overwhelmed by all of my thoughts. I really have to stop doing that...

Most on the forefront of my mind at the moment is my goal of trying desperately to keep things in perspective. I am getting very sad about Cancer and my friends who have it, but I can't let myself fall into feeling too terribly for them too much of the time. They don't need any negative, sad thoughts about them from family and friends. Only good thoughts; hopeful, positive thoughts. I can't let myself feel overly sad about my confustion where spirituality is concerned, either, wondering why the hell any of this is happening? If I do that too much, I won't want to leave my house. I'll become Withdrawn Hermit Girl, which happens when I am sad. And not only is that just plain not healthy, I've got to go to work. No moping at home all day for me. So I'm listening to music to put me in a different frame of mind. All kinds: fast paced music, kick ass songs, fuck you songs, etc. Anything to get me in the mood to move and sing. None of that sleepy music today. And nothing sentimental. I don't want to cry before work. The fast music is helping to keep me from doing just that.

I think music is healing. It feeds the soul. Sometimes it's the weirdest kinds of music that make me feel better.

I've also been thinking about my own health. Not only because of my friends, but because I'd like to make some changes. Bottom line: I want to lose weight. I want to have energy. I want to feel healthy.

I'd been thinking Atkins might be cool. Then I read about people who have kidney failure from that diet, which coincides nicely with Mom's stories of Aunt Char's friends who got kidney stones after doing Atkins for a few months. So I read up on Sugar Busters, which according to one article, isn't very effective. It requires you to eat only 1,200 calories a day, which would cause anyone to lose weight. When you go off it, the weight comes right back. So, I dropped that idea, too.

Then I looked up hypoglycemia diets and the stuff I found sounds kind of cool. Low fat, low sugar, low simple carbs, high complex carbs, high protein. I might try that. I also need to regularly exercise. I'm going to see what the local YMCA has to offer tomorrow.

Speaking of health, it looks like I might be able to get on a reliable form of insurance soon. I am excited! Once I have health insurance I can count on, I plan on getting some stuff evaluated, such as whether or not I do have hypoglycemia, and whether or not I have arthritis, something I've suspected for most of my life. I have no idea why I haven't gotten that checked out sooner!

I was lying in bed this morning with an achey back. It rained last night. I don't doubt the two are related. I suddenly felt worried. I often think about things that aren't going to happen for a long time. I have always done that. Today's episode of Daydreaming About my Future was pregnancy and parenting. I thought about the stretch marks I've gotten from gaining weight. I thought about how sensitive my feet are and how it's tough to walk for very long because of the tendon condition I have. I thought of my aching spine. And suddenly I worried how getting pregnant might totally and completely freak my body out. What if I get even more stretch marks all over? What if I'm in pain for 9 months straight? Ugh. It's awful to think of. Well, I won't have to worry about the actuality of that situation for another several years. But it still worries me a bit. I guess if being pregnant sucks the first time around, we could always adopt our second child. Anyway, enough thinking about this! Thinking about becoming a parent freaks me out sometimes, and brings me joy other times. Today is a freak out day. Moving on...

In random news, I finished the book I was reading on Friday. I highly recommend The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. Damn, I love that book!

I also really love all the episodes of "The Young Ones" that Joe and I have been watching recently on DVD. That show is so funny!

On the animal front, I have been inundated with pet sitting requests lately! I'm up to my ears in dogs and cats! It's amazing! I've got B's cats, the St Bernard people, H's cats, the Jack Russell Terrier people and the 2-day dog people. That last one's the shortest one. So, yes. Lots of animals. But pet sitting means money and lots of animal snuggles, so I don't mind one bit. I've also got an interesting potential new job in mind. I'll let y'all know if anything comes of it.

Other than thinking and daydreaming far too much, I haven't really been up to too much. Just plotting ways to kidnap a dog from work. Okay, not really! But I'm in love with this dog, and he is SO PRECIOUS! It's also odd I'm into him at all since he's a Schipperke mix, and oh how I hate that breed. Notoriously the barkiest breed in the world! Oy vey. He's part Chihuahua, too, so he's quite little. And lord knows how I always fall for the tiny dogs. I'm in love. LOVE. I hope he finds a good home soon. But not too soon. He is making going to work a joy, just knowing I get to cuddle him. That, in itself, is a huge change of pace.

Speaking of work, I have to leave for there right now. Off to cuddle my puppies!!

Have a great day, everyone!

Love,
Meg