So, a few people who know I'm awaiting word from UCLA have said to me, "Can't you just check online?" Even being the internet geek I am, I kept replying, "No, of course not! I have to wait for the letter," though I hadn't even bothered to check. So tonight I checked, and lo and behold, you can check online. However, "Transfer decisions will not be available until April 30, 2003"? That's me, baby. I had felt excited about the notion that the only way of knowing if I were accepted was by letter. It made the letter seem so crucial and important. Apparently, all forms of snailmail are becoming obsolete. Recently, even my Latvian snailmail penpal emailed me! What is the world coming to?

So, college...

You know what? If I'm being honest here? ... I'm nervous.

Part of me is nervous that even though I've been offered admission to UCLA two times now (and haven't been able to go for various reasons), they won't offer it to me this time. I don't know why they wouldn't. The only thing that has changed is that I added a couple of As to my transcript. But I worry. I guess I just don't want to assume, because that'd make an ass... Okay. Anyway. Website or no, I'll feel better once I have the actual letter in my hands and can see the words, "Congratulations! We are proud to offer you admission to UCLA."

I'm also nervous about being a student again. Aside from a Sociology class at the local community college here, I haven't actually been in school, fretting over multiple midterms or final exams, or note taking, or cramming or any of that, for about two years. What's really weird to me is that my brother, who is two years younger than me, will be a Junior in college this Fall. And so will I! I know I'll get the hang of things again. But it's a little nerve-racking nonetheless.

Oddly enough, I'm even nervous about moving away. I say "oddly enough," because I've wanted to move back to L.A. since I moved here two years ago! I felt homesick so much of the time when I first arrived, crying at Disneyland commericals, etc. Then I pretty much decided not to get attached to anything here so that when I did move back to L.A., I wouldn't be homesick for this place. I don't know how that ever seemed like a plan that might work, but let me assure you, it has failed miserably. I haven't gone to great lengths to discover all the Bay Area has to offer. I haven't been to any museums or beaches or anything. But I've made small, meaningful connections that will be really hard not to have as a regular part of my life anymore.

There's this really cool metaphysical shop about five minutes from here. It may not sound like much, but I really love the people who work there, and the meditation classes I've attended. I love walking around in there and just feeling relaxed. It'll be strange not to have that so close anymore.

I'll absolutely miss the wildlife museum. I love those animals! I love the wildlife hospital. I love volunteering with the animals and the public. I adore my teaching job there...

I'll miss pet-sitting, my clients, and my friend, Bobbi, the one who got me into pet-sitting in the first place. I'll miss my friend, Annie, who I met at the animal shelter, and love hanging out with when we get the chance.

I've also become friends with Beth, who I'm really going to miss! She is an awesome person. When I was at her house last week, we talked a little about my moving, and Beth's husband, Sabs, said, "Aww, we have to find a new babysitter in August!" (My estimated departure time...) And that just sounded so real and crazy to me. I finally make friends I really like here, and now it's time to go? That can't be right. And it's amazing to me how much I love little Victor. What a great kid! I don't know how it's possible to feel so attached to someone else's baby, but it is! I'll miss them all so much. It's not like we won't be in touch or anything. But we won't live 20 minutes from each other anymore, either. And that's the sad/strange part.

Also weird is the notion that my wonderful husband may not be able to accompany me to Los Angeles! At least not right away. It all depends on job prospects for him. And while I can say hey, maybe it'd be interesting to live in university apartments, with roommates or by myself, because I've never had those experiences before, I can also say that it would suck to live away from my husband! That I can say from experience, because we spent the first year and a half of our relationship living thousands of miles apart. Not easy. But do-able. And the do-able part is the part I keep reminding myself of, just in case it comes down to that.

Also do-able are long distance friendships. Making this move might not be easy. And maybe Joe and I won't live in California forever, or maybe we will. But the idea of making friends and then moving is not as scary when I consider my friendship with Angela. We haven't lived in the same city, or even close to it, for quite some time, and are still very close. She is someone I know I'll be friends with for life, which makes me extremely happy. And knowing we've been able to be friends no matter our physical distance gives me great hope for all current and future friendships as well.

More than anything else, as I type this, I realize the need to embrace everything I can about where I currently live, soak it all up, and really appreciate it before it's time to go. I don't want to be racked with the "should've"s once I'm down in Southern California. I want to smile knowing I did all the things I wanted to do before I left...

So yes, much is on my mind. And it's all a little nerve racking. But it'll be cool to be a real, live university student for the very first time. To be learning in great quantities again. To finally finish my degree. To volunteer at the L.A. Zoo, which is top on my list of priorities. To be back in L.A...

It'll be strange. But I hope it'll also be great. And now all I have to do is sit back and wait for that letter to arrive. Or April 30th. Whichever comes first...

~~Meg