Right now, I am bruised under my collarbone. My lower back aches. And I'm tired and wired at the same time. My mom called me at 11:30pm, and when I recounted the details of the accident to her, my whole body shook all over again, and I felt cold through and through.

It was a fairly minor accident, but rattling nonetheless. It was supposed to be a fun summer day, a nice picnic in the park, and maybe even a chance for me to give Beth and Vic a personal tour of the wildlife museum. But it just didn't work out like I'd imagined. As we drove, there was an odd merge before the tunnel on highway 24. Some guy didn't want to let me in and tried to cut me off, but there was no room for him to do so. There was a moment of slight worry for me, and Beth grabbed the door. She apologized and said she sees everything as a potential accident. I said not to worry, that that was understandable. I think that short conversation may have heightened my awareness of potential accidents a notch or two, which I'm grateful for, considering what happened next.

When I saw the silver car facing traffic, I couldn't figure out what to make of it. Why would a car be driving backwards? Was it stopped? Why was it facing us?? Were those other bizarrely angled cars stopped, too? Was that an accident ahead of us?

I think Beth may have said, "Uh oh," as I put on the brakes. I then realized the slowing car in front of me had slowed to a stop, that we were suddenly too close, and I slammed on my brakes as hard as I could. For just a moment, I thought I could do it. I thought my car might stop in time to avoid an accident. And then there was a full second that stood still, that seemed to take an enormous amount of time to pass, in which I realized we were going to hit. My brakes screeched, and my car crunched into the white car ahead of me, with a crumpling, metallic sound that makes me cringe just to think of it.

I immediately started crying. Beth had just said that potential accidents freak her out. I got in an accident with her child in the car! I got in an accident, period (for all I knew, we were the fourth or fifth car in a huge accident up ahead!); my adrenaline sky-rocketed, and holding in my tears was just not an option at that point. Beth rubbed my arm and reassured me. "You're okay. I'm okay, I just bumped my knee. Everything's okay." At the same time, Vic, who'd been jolted awake, was in his carseat, crying. I was crying. And all I could think is that Beth is the most awesome person in the world. She sounded so calm, though I know she must have been freaking out on the inside. All of a sudden, she said, "Meg, there's smoke. We have to get out." In a flurry of calm, concentrated movements, the three of us were safely across the freeway in a matter of no time. As I jogged across the lanes of traffic, I thoroughly expected to look back and see my car burst into flames. Instead, white smoke puffed out of the hood, and soon disappeared. Beth gave me a much needed hug.

A man walked over to help. We told him what happened. He asked if the smoke we saw was white or black. When we said it was white, he said it was probably the radiator and that it'd be best to move it to the shoulder, if possible. I took a couple of deep breaths and went to rescue my car. I put out my hand, and traffic just ... stopped. I felt like a Jedi or something. My poor car rattled and creaked over to the shoulder in a reluctant, painful way, as that same man momentarily held back traffic for me.

Once back on the shoulder, I looked around. No backwards facing silver car in sight. No silver car whatsoever. Apparently, there'd been no accident up ahead. The car I hit and my own were the only cars on the side of the road, besides a few people who stopped just to make sure everyone was okay.

"I don't know what to do," I said to Beth.

"It'll be okay," she said.

"No. I don't know what to do. What do I do?" I said. My brain had short-circuited once more. I couldn't think of where to begin, or who to call. Beth helped me figure it all out. We walked over to where two women were standing. The first asked if we were all okay. We said yes and asked if she was okay.

"Oh, I wasn't in the accident. I just wanted to make sure you all were okay. I called 911 immediately when I saw what happened."

I was so relieved that my list of things to do just shrank by one item. I asked the second woman, who I'd hit, if she were okay (she was), and I apologized. The first thing I noticed was that she is disabled. The second thing I noticed is that she's pregnant. And she had three children in the car with her as well, including a niece and nephew. Man, oh man, oh man. I felt about as bad as it is possible to feel at that point.

The CHP officer arrived and took a report. I was thankful he was so friendly and helpful. He waved the fire engine away once he'd made sure everyone was okay. And he told me what to do from there. He even called AAA for me. The AAA guy was really nice, too. It's weird how being in a horrible, nerve-racking situation can show you the sweet side of the world at the same time.

I made a whole series of phone calls (during which Beth applied sunscreen to herself, Vic, and even me!), trying to figure out what to do. Eventually, I got my new neighbor to head out and pick us up. Soon enough, my car was on its way out of there, and so were we (the other woman was able to drive her car away). The whole way home, I prayed my neighbor wouldn't mention that she'd only learned to drive stick-shift two weeks ago. I didn't want to freak Beth out even more! She didn't mention it. Joe did later, but it was okay with me if Beth knew after the fact. The drive home just seemed like the inopportune time to learn that information!

We got the stroller, Vic supplies, car seat, and ourselves up to my apartment, where I'd thankfully left the air conditioner running. I made us some turkey sandwiches with cucumber and tomato, and somehow, the world seemed just a little bit safer. Vic played happily on the floor, getting himself into all kinds of trouble. He even chased after Patches and Homer, who were really good with him. No freaking out at all. I am proud of my kitties!

Soon, Joe came home, and I felt even better. I called my insurance company while Beth and Joe chatted. The insurance woman I spoke to (in Texas) is from my little East Bay city! So we talked a bit about the area, which was nice. She took a whole report, and was most helpful. I felt very glad about that. Talking to her really put me at ease. So did the fact that Beth reassured me there was nothing more I could have done.

All four of us were exhausted. Vic was the only one who actually did fall asleep, though I think the rest of us could have easily dropped off if we'd let ourselves. It was nice relaxing in the apartment, talking, drinking soda... Once Vic woke up, Joe played with him, making him "fly" in the air, and letting him bang on the keyboard and mouse buttons. Vic loved it! He loved it so much that when Joe tried to hand him off, he wanted to go back to Joe! There is not much in this world that is more adorable than watching the man in your life play so sweetly with a little baby. Too cute!

It was getting late, and since Beth didn't want to get in any more cars that evening, I walked her to the BART station near my house. She said she still felt really freaked out. I wondered to myself why I didn't, and thought it probably had to do with the fact that it wasn't my baby involved in an accident that afternoon. That would stress anyone out! The funny thing is that after I hugged Beth good-bye, and began walking back home, I felt it -- the nervous energy coursing through my veins, my clenched teeth, this icky vibe surrounding and filling my whole body. Once I was alone, replaying the day's events in my head, I again felt like crying. This time, I didn't. I took deep breaths, walked through a bit of sprinkler water which felt almost refreshing despite the cold wind whipping around me, and sighed a breath of relief when I was back in my apartment.

Joe and I went out to pick up dinner, and every little thing startled me. Joe very sweetly told me not to worry too much. We talked over car plans for the next week, and we talked about plans for what to do if my poor car doesn't make it through this ordeal. It was in pretty bad shape, after all. The car I hit had a scratch or two.

We ended the night by going on a hunt for the new Harry Potter book. Borders told us they were out and to call on Tuesday. So we stopped at 7-11, and they had a big stack of them right there on the counter. We got some water, soda, and The Order of the Phoenix before heading home for the night.

Joe is now sleeping. I should be, too. Part of me is worried how my body will feel in the morning. More than that, I just like being up right now, in this hour where I feel like I'm the only one in the world who is awake. I like taking a moment to enjoy the peace and quiet of my home, to extend the relaxing part of the day as much as possible, considering the stressful part was a little much to process this afternoon. I feel like if I just stay awake a bit, the stress might fall away in pieces and shatter on the floor, letting me return to my normal self underneath.

I'm sure it will all seem better in the morning. I just keep reminding myself of what's most important: no one was hurt. It's only property damage. We're all safe. And that's what counts the most.