I'm not sure I have anything new to say. I wonder if this day will always be one of reflection for us? I wonder if my future kids will ask me what September 11, 2001 was like. I wonder how I'll feel if they do. Today feels so normal compared to two years ago. For me, anyway. I know this day is far more painful for so many others out there. I think I'll always think of them with every September 11 that passes.

And now, some past entries...

September 11, 2001

a horrific, sad day
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Today, my mom said, "I'm waking you up a little early, because I have to tell you something scary that's happened." It was 7:30am. I was supposed to get up at 7:45am to get ready for my orthodontist appointment. I sat up, groggily until she told me what was happening. "Are you serious?!" I said. We went downstairs to watch the news, and I grabbed the phone to call my fiance. I'm in Seattle right now, on vacation.

I woke him up with my phone call. When I told him what was happening, he said the same thing I had, "What? Are you serious?!" He watched the news while I emailed my friend, Leah. She is visiting the U.S. for the summer. She finished touring New York City, and had gone to Boston. Next stop, Los Angeles. She was supposed to go there Sunday, but didn't have very exact plans. So, I'm just hoping she did go Sunday and that everything is okay. I'm eagerly awaiting an email from her. [She turned out to be just fine.]

It's so horrific. How is any of this real? "New York's twin towers are gone," the news reported. How is this possible?

Today on the freeway, the electronic road sign said, "Seatac Airport is CLOSED."

I'm scared, and very very sad. I don't even know what to say. There have been many references to wars (news: "Will New York city look like London in WWII?") and Pearl Harbor, and ... I'm totally scared.

It makes me feel better to hear the President speak. I don't know exactly why. I never really liked him too much, but he's the President, you know? Maybe it makes me feel like someone's in charge. But the truth is we've been shown how vulnerable we really are, as a country.

I'm still shocked, dumbfounded. This is still so surreal.

I miss my fiance. And my kitties. But it's nice to be with my mom, and her dog (who has been enjoying snuggling with me on the couch for long periods of time, this vacation).

I feel very full of love for all my family and friends, and I just want to wish everyone well.

In times of upset, I am always amazed that time keeps going on, that the world hasn't just come to a standstill. I'm not sure why. My mom said she has felt that way, too.

What an amazing thing to witness; what a sad day in history to be a part of.

Be well, everyone.

Love,
Meg

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September 11, 2002

One Year Ago

It is hard to believe it's been one year. It feels like it was so long ago... I was sitting in the orthodontist's chair, and no one was talking. We were all listening to the news radio, and it was about 9 in the morning. Today is also a year since I got my braces off.

As with last year, I don't really have much to say. It still seems surreal, and it still seems hard to believe it even happened. People said they'd always remember, and I think that's true. They said this country would never be the same, but I don't think that's true. America is still as varied and strange as it always was, with caring people, criminals, greedy people, and jackasses. And there are still, and always will be, people who will exploit anything and anyone to make a buck. But I'm grateful for the caring people, the people whose hearts are in the right place, who want to extend kindness to others. I always like to think of them, whenever I feel sad about the state of the world.

So, maybe it's naive of me, but when I went under an overpass today on my way to work, and saw people up there putting up little American flags at evenly spaced intervals, I smiled. I wondered if they were thinking, this is a tribute to the lives lost last year... And I thought of all the people in cars stuck in traffic on the other side of the freeway and wondered what they thought as they saw all those little flags blowing in the breeze.

[edited 9/11/03 to add: I don't know why I said "maybe it's naive of me." Perhaps I meant I felt naive, because the tiny flags didn't just make me smile. They made me cry. And I thought in that moment that maybe America really had changed. And maybe many people changed for the better. And I guess I felt naive about that because it's so idealistic, and probably inaccurate. Still, a nice thought. And I am sure I'd go through the same emotions all over again if I saw the same type of display. I'm just like that...]

Personally, today, I remembered how the only thing I wanted a year ago was to feel safe in Joe's arms. I just wanted to go home to him. I was impressed with the many, many people who did whatever they could to help others, to donate blood, money, anything to wherever they could. There were moments last year where people really let their compassion lead their actions. And it's those kinds of moments that I hope all people will let into their lives more often. Not because of tragic events, but simply because it's the right thing to do. I hope people remember how their vulnerability led them to feel connected, dependent on each other for support, and willing to lend a hand to others. I know there are people who won't, but I'm grateful for those who already do.

I hope all those who lost family and friends are healing, and well. I wish us all peacefulness.

Be safe, and happy, and do something nice for yourself or someone else. Not just today. Everyday.

And that's all I have to say about that. :-)

Love,
~Meg~

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