I had a job interview on Thursday. That's right, a real honest to goodness job interview! It was a somewhat difficult one for me, because I really had to think on my toes about stuff I don't normally talk too much about -- make-up, fashion trends, sales, and the like. I know about these things (somewhat), and attempted to sell myself, make it seem like I'd do well in this kind of industry. I think I would, but it's not the type of thing I feel super-confident about. For instance, I am super-confident about animals; every animal job I've ever applied for, I've felt perfectly at ease listing my qualifications and attempting to convince my interviewer I'd be perfect for the job. In this case, though, I was asked a lot of questions that required me to think fast and answer diplomatically, in an area I felt a bit unsure of.

In spite of the fact I was treading unfamiliar waters, I thought I really pulled it off well, especially after the store manager dropped the whole "IF I hire you," phrase she seemed so attached to in the beginning of the interview. I took that as a good sign. What I took as a bad sign was that she said she'd call me in the next two days and then didn't. "Ouch," I thought. "That can't be good." Then I decided not to think negatively about it. I didn't want to think positively about it either. Hell, I just didn't want to think about it at all, and decided, you know, que sera sera, whatever will be, yadda yadda.

Okay, I might as well come out and say it. I got the job!!! She called me today. I start tomorrow! I'm only working two shifts this week in my new seasonal sales position, but hey, it's a start. And I must say, I'm pretty excited about it!

It's strange, because this job sounds a lot like my former beauty consultant work in some ways. "We want you to look clean, polished, and together," she said during the interview. Hmm. That doesn't really describe me most of the time. I used to be like that. I used to be Little Miss Hair and Make-Up, Panty Hose and Heels, but only for that job. Definitely not on weekends. It just didn't feel "me," really. Not then (hence the fact that I quit), and certainly not now. Lately, I've been all about the baggy cargo jeans, loose shirts, and facial piercings.

But then, maybe being all "girly" for work isn't such a bad thing. It's only for work, after all. I can dress however I want outside the store. Technically, I can dress however I want inside the store, too, because there's no official dress code. I'll have to get a feel for it, I guess.

Also, I don't think I'd mind too terribly being all girly and cutesy for work, because, if may I confess something here, I sometimes think it's kind of fun to play with make-up. I like the colors, and I think it can be cool to try out different styles. It's kind of artsy, like coloring with crayons, but on my face!

I just hate the assumption that women "should" wear the stuff, so my rebel nature tells me, "Don't do it, fight society's rules and expectations!" But like I said, sometimes I do like it, and so, what the hell? I think women should just do whatever they want, personally. Sometimes I want to be girly. Sometimes I really don't. But since it has been a while since I've done anything very feminine, style-wise, maybe it'd be fun to try it out again, even if only for work.

I guess the point I'm trying to finally get to is, trying on different personalities and styles of being to see how they fit is not a bad thing. I heard that's how teenagers build a sense of self -- they try being various different ways, seeing how it feels, taking away bits and pieces from these personality experiments and eventually building themselves into the Frankenstein-monster-esque creatures we all are today.

But hey, I still do that. Hmm, let's try being outgoing today. How about shy? Sarcastic? Playful and silly? Serious and academic? What feels right for this moment right now? (They've all felt right at one point or another...)

It's the same for clothing styles as it is for personalities, in my opinion. What feels right today? Punk-ish? Boyish? Totally feminine and girly? Make-up or not? Dress-up or Slacker Girl?

Who Am I?

It's all just a game of trying it on and seeing how it fits. And if I play around with being girly for a while, for a job I'm only likely to have for a few months anyway (the holiday season), what's the harm in that? Well, we'll see, I suppose!

Tomorrow, I'll get to feel it all out -- the atmosphere, the personality of the co-workers, the routine of it all... I'm looking forward to it, and I hope I like my new job, whether they expect me to be girly or not. No matter how I dress, though, I'm just going to be me (if I can figure out what that means!). Hopefully, if I just try to be myself, that'll go over well enough to keep my ass from getting fired from my brand new job. My new job!!! That's pretty cool, man. Pretty damn cool.