Over at The Usual Suspects, we've had an interview project going on. I was recently sent some interview questions, and thought I'd put the answers here. So without further ado, my interview questions and answers...

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1. Meditation plays a strong role in your world. Explain how you got started into it and how it has affected your life. Do you see yourself still doing it when you are eighty?

My first exposure to meditation was through my older brother. He became interested in Buddhism when I was very young and took it pretty seriously. He ordered meditation cushions and would meditate in his room for long periods of time. I asked him questions, and we'd talk about it. I was interested in doing it too. However, it sounded difficult and challenging and like something only Buddhists did. My interest in it waned for the time being.

Fast forward to my first year in college. I was seventeen and took a Tai Chi class. My instructor mentioned something about "moving meditation." I was also taking a Yoga class on alternate days, and we'd spend a few minutes at the end of every class meditating. Suddenly, it wasn't this challenging thing that only Buddhists did. Rather, it was a simple way to relax at the end of a great Yoga session, or a way to feel energy running through me while doing Tai Chi. Definitely do-able. But I only did it in those situations. Once the classes ended, I didn't keep any of it up on my own, the exercise or the meditation.

A few years later, I took a spirituality class. One of the main focal points of the class was guided meditation. Those are the ones where one person (or tape/CD) leads you through an imaginative exercise, such as walking down a path in the woods, or swimming deep underwater. It was very cool, and very relaxing. It was the first time I'd ever done meditation exercises longer than 2 or 3 minutes, and I loved it!

Still, I wasn't doing it much on my own. I think having always been led by someone during all the meditation exercises I'd ever done made me feel like that's the way it was supposed to be. It was almost too intimidating to do on my own.

Then, in August of 2003, my anxiety disorder that I've had all my life sort of went on the fritz. Instead of being manageable as it had been for a long time, my body was suddenly and spontaneously freaking out (massive bursts of adrenaline racing through me), regardless of my actual thoughts. I mean, I'd be completely relaxed mentally, but my body was acting as though it was time for final exams or a horrendous car accident or something.

I thought I was having heart problems, honestly. I went in for a bunch of tests. Then I agonized over what the results might be, what horrible condition I might have, trying not to think about it too much until I heard for sure. My doctor called me a few days later and told me I was "completely healthy." Yeah, okay, so why then had I spent the last week lying flat on my back, my heart pounding in my chest?

I had no idea what was going on with me. I discussed it with my mom and my dad, and they both said it might be my anxiety. I didn't get it. Yes, I'd been stressing myself out over my job. But how could stress and anxiety mess with my body like that?

Then something happened a few days later that made me angry, and immediately, I felt shaky and weak all over. My head hurt, and my heart raced, pounding inside my ribcage. I felt physically sick, all because of a little aggravation. I began considering the very real possibility that I was suffering from anxiety attacks.

I went ahead and turned over my health insurance card and dialed the number for mental health specialists. I'd never done that before, and it was scary. The whole situation was scary, really. After I began seeing my therapist, though, I felt much better. She is a really cool lady. What made me like her most is that she didn't suggest a medication route right off the bat, as some doctors are apt to do. She wanted to treat me without drugs first, to see if we could avoid them entirely. I'm glad for that, because I don't like the idea of using medications unless I definitely need them.

My therapist did think I was experiencing anxiety attacks, after I described everything to her. We discussed how stress can and does wreak havoc on the body, and how best to keep stress levels down. One of the first things she asked me is if I had ever meditated. I told her about the Yoga classes, and the guided meditations in my spirituality class. She was glad I'd already had some experiences with it, and told me the first thing she wanted me to do was a Buddhist breathing meditation exercise called Vipassana, for three minutes every day. The next week, she increased it to five minutes, then seven, and so on.

It's strange that it is simple and difficult at the same time. The main objective is to focus on my breathing, inhaling through my nose as deeply as I can for as long as I can, then exhaling through pursed lips as deeply as I can for as long as I can. I'm supposed to let thoughts flow through my head when they come up, but not to settle on them or actively think about them. I just gently push them away whenever they come up. But that's so difficult! It's so easy to get distracted. I know I just have to keep working at it, and it seems the more I do, the easier it gets.

And I love it. It's shocking how much it relaxes me. I feel so good, so content and relaxed, every time I complete these breathing exercises. It's sometimes even a euphoric feeling, which I'm sure is a biological reaction to the deep breathing and higher amounts of oxygen running through my system. I don't entirely understand all the processes at play here, but the end result is definitely gratifying.

I'd also like to mention that the websites I've read regarding Vipassana all sound so serious and complicated, the way I used to view meditation when I was a kid. That's definitely not how I see it now. I see it as very, very simple. Deep breathing = I feel better. If it seemed any more complicated than that, I don't think I'd be as inclined to do it.

I think meditation has impacted my life in many wonderful ways. The first being discipline. I've never been very disciplined, and it's difficult for me to do something every single day. Exercise, eating right, etc. I always slip up here and there with those things. And I slip up with meditation, too. My current goal is to do it every morning and night for ten minutes each time. My eventual goal is twenty minutes every morning and night. It doesn't sound that difficult when I say it (or type it, as the case may be), but I have yet to do it. I'm working on it. Right now I do Vipassana for about ten minutes once a day, or every other day.

I've also learned that my mind IS capable of being quiet and still. I used to think that that was impossible. My mind constantly had running, hurried, frenzied thoughts spinning around in it 24/7. Now I can create quiet time inside my head every time I meditate, and truly, it's a big relief to experience that.

I find that I also react more calmly to stressful situations when I have been meditating. For instance, one week, when I was meditating daily, my neighbor called me to drive him and his kid to the ER. I felt calm the whole way over. Concerned, yes, but calm (and everything turned out fine). Then when I was in London over New Year's Eve, one of my travel companions made me furious. Not only had I not meditated in a few days, but I'd eaten poorly, letting my blood sugar get all kinds of wacky. And I basically freaked the fuck out. I had a full-on anxiety attack, which was scary, and concerned me. Adrenaline raced through me and all my body wanted to do was flee, so it did. That fight or flight instinct is a powerful one! I sped-walked to the end of the block, and then started pacing back and forth across a portion of the sidewalk, just breathing as deeply as I could. I identified what was happening with me right away, knew it was an anxiety attack, and that I just had to do my Vipassana breathing to calm down. And it worked. A friend was with me (she'd caught up to me), and gave me credit for not berating myself or being upset that that was happening to me. I hadn't thought about it until she said it, but it's true. I was being more patient with myself than I normally would have been, say a year or two earlier. I find I'm a lot more patient with myself in general and I care much more about taking care of myself than I used to. I really do think that meditation has played a big part in that. When I saw the benefits of doing something nice for myself, I wanted to continue that trend, and I have. I'm even eating better and exercising more now. I think meditation was the impetus for all of those things.

Yes, I definitely still see myself doing meditation when I'm eighty. I love doing Vipassana as well as other types of visualization meditations (color meditations, tree meditations, chakra balancing meditations). I know there are a lot of different methods out there, and since it keeps stress levels down, it's great for the heart, as well as the entire body. It can even help with pain management (ever heard the expression "breathe through the pain"?). I'm sure that'll come in handy when I want to have a baby or two someday (though, you know, so will an epidural!). It certainly did when I got my latest piercing! Meditation also definitely keeps my anxiety levels under control, and can even help me avoid anxiety attacks altogether, which is just huge, and awesome.

My goal is to meditate every day for the rest of my life because of the benefits I've seen so far, as well as the benefits yet to come. I know I get off track sometimes, but getting back on track is the key. Meditation is now an important and wonderful part of my life that I plan to hang onto for good.

2. Meditation is often seen as a means of or a pathway to peace. Peace is something that I am always striving for. It seems to be very important to you as well. Tell me how you define peace, where you find it in your daily life or if you even think it is attainable.

When I think of peace, I tend to think of it on a personal level. In that sense, I definitely think peace is attainable. I think peace comes and goes. It's not like if we just reach hard enough and do enough good things that suddenly our lives will be forever peaceful. There will always be ups and downs in life. And as that happens, there are like these little pockets of peace, these moments of contentment and joy and tranquility that come into our lives. I think it's so important to recognize them and embrace them when they come. And then stressful things will happen, or some sad event might occur, and that peace is disrupted. I just always have faith that it will return.

In my daily life, I find peace in several different ways. One of them is definitely through meditation. I also find it in animals. Animals are one of my greatest loves in life. I adore them, and am working towards a career working with them. My goal is to work in a zoo after college. I only have two cats right now, and they are the sweetest cats in the world. So polite and cute and wonderful! Holding them and stroking their fur makes me feel exraordinarily at peace. A teacher friend of mine also owns horses. I plan on riding them soon, at her invitation, because I remember how peaceful it feels to ride horses, and quietly hug them and brush them. Bottom line, animals are a huge source of peace for me.

My husband is, as well. I adore sitting with him, lying in his arms as we watch t.v. I love talking and laughing with him. Even just sleeping next to him is wonderful. We have a great relationship, and I feel very calm whenever I'm with him.

Exercising regularly also brings feelings of peace into my life, especially when done outside. I'm a nature girl and love taking walks on outdoor trails. Sometimes I love being in cities, and sometimes I have to just be among trees and commune with nature and stuff. It's just how I work. Trees and beautiful natural scenery are very calming to me.

Also (and this one is possibly the most important of them all), I find peace in the Quiet Time I need every single day. If I don't get time to myself on a daily basis, I feel horribly agitated. Right now is even a good example... Joe (my husband) is home, and working on his computer. But I'm listening to music through headphones and writing on my own computer. This counts as personal quiet time for me, because I feel like I'm in my own little world. But then there are days when I'm home and Joe's at work, and I get lots of completely undisturbed, quiet time. Sometimes I listen to music, but often, the house is nearly silent, while I write or read or whatever. I love and need these times in order to feel at peace. I'm sure other introverts can relate to all this as well. Afternoons spent all alone in my apartment can be some of the most peaceful times in the world. Especially if I've got some fresh fruit to eat, the birds are singing outside, and my cats are sleeping on the fuzzy blanket draped over my legs. Ah, peace...

3. In a recent entry you talked about receiving a wonderful gift from a friend of yours. What's the best gift you have ever given to someone? What made it special?

Wow. If that question had been about other wonderful gifts I've received, it would be much easier to answer! I suppose the time I secretly ordered a dozen roses for my mom's fiftieth birthday was pretty cool. I was super proud of myself and expected her to burst into tears the minute she saw them. Tears of joy, after all, are a pretty good indicator of how great a gift is. Instead, the roses arrived as we were heading out to dinner, a bunch of family members all standing around, trying to get coordinated, figuring out who should pile into which car, etc. Then it took everyone a minute to figure out who they were from, as I stood there, beaming from ear to ear, waiting for Mom to read the card and figure it out. In all the confusion, Mom did eventually realize they were from me, and then said, "Oh, thanks," and went inside to put them in water before we went out to dinner. Kind of anticlimactic compared to the reaction I'd imagined. Mom said to me later that she might have cried, but was determined not to, because she didn't want to cry in front of others. Oh, well. Still a good gift, right?

But honestly, I think the best gift I ever gave to someone was a song. I actually sat down with my flute to find the right notes, even though it was a song I planned to sing. I wrote the words and the melody, and practiced playing it on my flute (to hear the notes) over and over. Then I practiced singing it a bazillion times. I put so much of myself into it, my thoughts, emotions, and time. I wanted it to be perfect. Then, on my boyfriend's birthday, I sang it to him. I did make him cry (which made me cry, too), and he told me, "I love you. You're the best." And now we're married! All due to that song! (Heh. No, not really. I mean, we are married, but not because of that song!)

Anyway, I thought the song was pretty cool, and I'm glad my guy thought so, too. I think gifts you pour yourself into (and almost always, the ones that you personally make), are the very best kinds of gifts to give.

4. I have an incredible sweet tooth and will never understand the kind of person who doesn't like desserts, especially chocolates. What kind of personal preferences do you not understand? Why?

Ooooh, I know! I LOVE chocolate! I'm with you on that one. I don't understand the preference for salty foods. I can't stand salt! I mean, occasionally I like potato chips. But to crave them? That's weird! And why, why do people add salt to scrambled eggs? Gross!

I also don't understand the the preference to avoid animals. Animals are wonderful! I love to surround myself with them and have them be a constant part of my life. I just love animals, and I really don't get people who don't.

Also, how people can prefer to wear thin, strappy high heels is beyond all comprehension to me. Does that not hurt?? They hurt my feet when I used to try wearing them, and when I asked one lady where everyone else found comfy ones (I based this idea on the fact that no one else was limping), she told me, "Oh, we're all hurting, but hey, it's worth it. We all look great!" I haven't worn high heels since my wedding and don't plan on ever wearing them again. It's not worth it. I'm just baffled by women who choose to be in pain for the sake of fashion. I mean, really, no one cares how great anyone else's shoes do or don't look. Buy some comfy sneakers!

Another trend popping up everywhere is the Atkins diet. Oh my dear lord. How can people go low- or no- carb?? Life without french bread and pasta?! No, thanks.

I also don't get women who are crazy into jewelry. I just don't... get it. There was this diamond commercial on one time where this guy is narrating. He says he used to be clueless about gifts, and the commercial shows a little boy handing a little girl a frog. She screams and gives him a dirty look, disgusted by him. Then the man says, "I think I've learned a lot since then." and the commercial shows him handing a woman a diamond necklace, and she goes all goo-goo eyes for him. Joe and I were watching that together and he turned to me and said, "You'd rather have the frog, wouldn't you?" "Yes!!" I said excitedly, hoping he'd go buy me a frog. He didn't, but it was a perfect example of how much fancy jewels do NOT interest me.

Finally, I also will never understand the preference to listen to Christina Aguilera or Brittney Spears over, I don't know, ANYTHING ELSE, for hours on end. I had to endure many consecutive hours of terrible music at my last job, because I wasn't allowed to change the CDs and the girls I worked with were rabid Christina fans. I just wanted to vomit. And then I quit.

5. Gun to your head. You have to either make a serious run for president of the United States or immerse yourself fully into becoming the next Miss America. Which do you pick and why?

President, hands down.

Mostly because: I think Miss America has got to be one of the stupidest contests ever. I absolutely abhor the idea of beauty pageants of any kind, first of all. The idea of women (or worse, children!) parading around so that judges can deem one of them to be the very "prettiest of them all" sounds very fairy-tale, awful, and ridiculous to me. There are all kinds of beauty in the world and figuring out who is the most beautiful just cheapens the whole idea of true inner beauty. I think my tattooed friends are gorgeous. I know several overweight people who are stunning. Would they win Miss America? I think not, and I think that sucks.

Secondly, I was just looking at the website for Miss America (out of curiosity and so that I didn't say anything horribly incorrect about the organization), and here are a few of the rules: You have to be no older than 24, and you can't have ever been married or pregnant. Yeah. Okay. Because god knows no one who's ever been married or pregnant or who is over 24 deserves to win a scholarship!

See? It's just wrong.

And people can argue, "Oh but they need SOME rules in order to even have the contest because" blah-blah-who cares?-cakes. Not me. Those women win scholarships because they can smile, slap on some makeup, and look good in evening gowns and bathing suits. Gag me. I could never bring myself to be a part of anything so ludicrous, even if I weren't married.

Okay, now, about the actual choice I made... I used to want to be President of the United States when I was in second or third grade. I found out there had never been a woman president, and by golly, I was determined to be the first! I love a challenge!

Then I realized that politics is a weird mess that I have a hard time even understanding much less wanting to participate in. Plus, there are people who try to assassinate presidents, and would very likely target a woman president or any president who wasn't a white man. Or who was! Hell, some people just want to shoot presidents. I don't know.

Anyway, yeah, I know not one thing about political stuff (sad, but true, I may work on that eventually), so my running for president would pretty much be a big joke. However, in all seriousness, if I actually could be president and knew stuff about politics, and had the chance to truly make some positive changes in this country, I would love that.

At the very least, I could believe in it and really give it an honest go, while still feeling pretty good about myself, which is far more than I can say for the prospect of running for Miss America.