I think today will be a productive one. Especially considering yesterday was so weird and uncool. I woke up all cranky and pissed off. My back hurt, which made it hard to go back to sleep, and Joe's radio was playing Howard Stern's morning show pretty loudly, which meant I couldn't go back to sleep at all. Usually if I have to get up because of that, I'm just like, "Oh, well," and I go back to bed after Joe leaves for work. But yesterday I was just angry and I'm not sure where that came from. I decided to go back to sleep a few hours later, because I felt wiped out. And before I fell asleep, I just burst into tears. Cranky and crying? I guess I really did need a nap! Well, I must have -- I slept for four more hours. Hence the reason I'm awake right now!

I think some things just got me down over the past few days, and like a dope, I hadn't meditated or exercised in that time. I felt all crappy, and I'm so retarded, because I actually hate writing (at least publicly) when I feel bad. But the thing is, if I don't write during those times, then my journal will only be a series of "I feel better now!" entries and all y'all will say, "You felt bad? Wha?"

So yes, I had a rotten morning. A few of the things making me sad:

Feeling out of shape and gross. Getting back in shape sure isn't going to happen overnight, and for an impatient gal like me, that can be a drag. I'm in a better state of mind now, though. I exercised! (see below)

In addition to the above, I just got the impression that some folks I like to hang out with were doing just fine getting together and having fun without me. It struck me that maybe I don't click with them at all. Just sort of a sucky feeling.

Also, there's been a thread over at TUS about marrying young. People were discussing what it was like to marry young, and I can't tell you how depressing it was to read over and over, "I got married at 19 and divorced at 21."

"Married at 20, divorced at 30."

"Married at 23, divorced at 25."

Over and over again.

Ack! How unsettling!! I got married just shy of my 21st birthday. And I hope NEVER to get divorced! It didn't help that a great many of these folks were saying the downfall of their relationships had a lot to do with never living on their own before marriage. Or, folks who had lived on their own said they can't possibly imagine life without that "invaluable experience." Damn it to hell. I have never lived alone. Does this mean I'm doomed to a failed marriage? To a terrible mid-life crisis? Do you see why I was freaking out??

I finally felt slightly better when one person who'd married at 19 said she was still married after 25 years. That's certainly pretty cool.

I felt even better when Joe pointed out that most of those people probably married young spouses as well. I married young. Joe did not. He's ten years older than I am. So while I may be in a stage where I'm still figuring out who I am, doing the college thing, figuring out my career, etc, Joe is in a place where he's past all that. If we were both floundering out in sea, trying to grab a foothold in the world, there might be much more chaos and friction to deal with. As it is, he's fairly grounded in his life and career, and I'm the only one trying to deal with finishing a degree and starting a career and stuff.

I guess the bottom line, though, is that when I look at Joe, I feel at ease. We laugh together. We're best friends and we're totally in love. And I know he and I are really good at working together, so I can't imagine that never having paid rent on my own will doom us to divorce court. I think we're doing pretty darn well together, in fact, and I think we'll continue to do so.

Anyway, with all those things mixed up together in my head, I felt really bummed out, so I slept and woke up feeling a lot better. I still felt kind of lethargic and weird, so I decided to do some stuff to make myself feel better. And then other nice things happened just by sheer good fortune.

Things that made me feel better:

I did my 2 mile Walk Away the Pounds DVD and then meditated for twenty minutes. I felt all happy and filled with endorphins, and I also felt good for stacking two more miles onto my goal of 500. It felt good to know I am actively taking steps to get into shape. And of course meditating is cool because it's just so relaxing and happy-making. It was awesome!

Then Joe and I watched American Idol and laughed a lot. Also, I felt happy because I successfully reheated dinner that I'd cooked the night before and it still tasted good. I didn't realize I could cook, but apparently, I'm not too shabby! If I do say so myself! And I do!

I got a comment in my journal from someone who applied to the same school I just finished applying to. Very exciting!

Even though I was the LAST PERSON ON EARTH to realize it, I discovered Annabeth's BLOG. I'd been waiting like a dork to get a notify list email about a journal entry, and when I decided to click on the link last night, just to see what was up, lo and behold, a blog. I'm so excited!! I missed her posts like crazy and went straight through and read the whole blog from the beginning right then and there. It's so damn funny, I just... Just go read it.

THEN, through ABlog, I came across Leigh's site, who just made me laugh and laugh. She's freaking awesome.

(Damn, with all these links, you'd think I was the one with a blog!)

After that, I tried making an archive page and you know what? I did it! It looks exactly like I wanted it to and was so much less difficult than I'd anticipated. Who's the master of HTML? ME! Woo!

Then I updated my About Me section, too. I was on a freakin' roll, I tells ya. And now I feel quite good all over again. Today will be a brand new, good day, if I have anything to say about it. And I think I do.

But first, I think some sleep is in order. The happy won't last for long if the sleepy takes control. Heh. I sound like I'm possessed by dwarfs. If I get too sleepy, I know I'll get grumpy! See? That's some funny stuff. Either that or I'm just goofy because I'm tired. Perhaps I'm dopey? Okay, I'll stop now. Really.

Good-night!