Just before noon, I drove all the way up these crazy winding hills to meet E., a fellow teacher friend of mine, and her horses. When she saw me, she said, "Oh good, you're wearing boots." Except that I was only wearing walking shoes, which, it turns out, are far less water-proof than they look. It didn't take more than a minute or two of sloshing through mud and puddles before I soaked my foot. The holes in the mud were all hoof-sized and filled with rain. Perfect for swallowing your entire shoe!

When E. told me the horses were "up there," I didn't realize what a hike it would be. E. scaled it like it was nothing at all, but I was embarrassingly out of breath once we hit level ground. After I was breathing normally again, though, it was great! There were horses everywhere! They weren't crowded or anything. I just didn't realize they all hang out together in a herd like that, speckling the pasture with all their pretty colors. In addition to horses, we were surrounded by green grass and a lovely view of the East Bay hills.

I was amazed when I saw E.'s horses, because they reminded me a lot of my old horse, Twister. Same breed (Arabians) and similar colors (mostly white coat with tiny spots of brown or grey).

It was great being around horses again, because it's been a long time. Like, six years. The funny thing is that E., knowing I'd been a horse owner, thought I knew all this stuff that I'd actually completely forgotten! Or worse, that I had no experience with AT ALL!

For instance, when she handed me the hoof-pick (to clean the gunk out of the bottom of their hooves), I remembered how to get the horse to lift her foot, but didn't remember exactly how to clean it. Then E. showed me, and it all came back to me!

The really crazy thing was that I'd actually never ridden on a trail before! How sad is that? I owned a horse for a full year and never took him out on a trail ride. I only really rode during lessons and those were inside a gated arena. I took him out once, just along the property a little ways, but it was nothing like what I did today! My mom was terrified of me going off on my own (I had quite a few issues with heat exhaustion in those days), and I never really felt confident enough to try it out.

Having never done a trail ride, I was not expecting a few things:

1) Really steep hills (people I knew in Texas usually rode on flat land!)
2) the length of the ride!! (we were out there for three hours!)

My overall impression of the day was truly great. Okay, now remember I said that, while I tell you about all the crazy, difficult, scary things that happened, too!

It all started with a saddle. "What style do you ride?" E. asked me yesterday. "Western," was my reply. And then I was doomed. DOOMED!

See, the only horse who had a Western saddle fitted to her was Gracie. Gracie is the younger horse, the daughter of Heather. She is also the more ornery of the two. I thought maybe it was because she was younger, but E. told me she's been like that since the day she was born! All feisty and rebellious, always pushing buttons and trying to push people around, playing games to test her boundaries. The good news is she doesn't spook easily. The bad news is, she spooked ME!

The actual saddle itself spooked me a little, too. It kept sliding to the left. It was so bad, actually, that it was sliding completely off! I had to grab onto Gracie's mane and get off her as quickly as possible. By the time my feet hit the dirt, the saddle slid all the way onto Gracie's side. That would have happened regardless of whether I was on her or not, so I'm glad I got off before it toppled me to the ground! We re-adjusted the saddle, tightened it, and I got back on. This happened three different times!!!

In addition to all that, Gracie was experimenting with seeing what I'd let her get away with. This is not a fun game to play with a horse. Especially considering that Twister spoiled me by always being so gentle-spirited and obediant. Gracie was essentially the opposite of Twister! Sometimes she'd just stop. I'd kick her side, and she wouldn't budge! Then she'd take off, but in a direction I didn't want her to go. Then while I was yelling, "Gracie! Woah!" at her in my firmest, authoritative Teacher Voice, while also pulling back on her reins, she kept walking around! Backwards, in circles, as well as across the grass towards the other horses! She scared the freaking hell out of me more than once.

Because Gracie had already been so bad about listening to me that at this point, E. was holding her reins while she held Heather's reins! She was leading both horses, while I sat there, feeling relieved that E. took charge, but feeling a little defeated at the same time. That Gracie... Man. I think animals must know I'm a total pushover when it comes to them! I'm not good at bossing them around, even when it's necessary!

Soon, we were going up an incredibly steep and slippery portion of the trail when the saddle got really bad. Okay, so picture this: The saddle is sliding again, and I'm freaking out, because we're up high and I'm terrified of heights! At that point, Gracie yanks her head away from E., pulling her reins free from E.'s hands. Suddenly I'm trying my best not to envision myself plummeting over the side of the trail and down the very steep hill, breaking all my bones along the way. Gracie turned tail and started walking down that hill, as if to say, "Screw this, you crazies! I'm outta here!" E. got Heather in front of Gracie, to sort of herd her back up the hill. Gracie was ignoring all my signals of direction, while fretting, stepping around nervously, and walking too close to the edge of the trail for my nerves to handle. I heard myself breathing sharply and irregularly, and concentrated very hard on not tensing up my legs, which is only a signal to the horse to move faster (not that she would have listened to me anyway!). Finally I got Gracie close enough to E. so that she could grab Gracie's reins again. I heaved a huge sigh of relief, and then I got off of her! I walked Gracie up the rest of that freaking hill on foot, and then E. and I had a conversation that was funny because of its brevity:

E: Would you like to ride Heather instead? Because--
Me: YES!

Ha! So even though I'd never ridden an English saddle before, I was much happier on Heather and had an easier ride. I heard Heather can spook sometimes, so that did bother me a little. But overall, Heather's calm demeanor made me feel much more at ease than I'd felt with Gracie. I put my faith and trust in Heather, and off we went!

We climbed higher and higher into the hills. It was amazing. When we got to the summit, I could hardly believe it! To my left was an awesome view of foggy San Francisco and the Bay Bridge. To my right sat Mt. Diablo as well as many other green East Bay hills spattered with beautiful, blue resevoirs. It was gorgeous!

Also gorgeous were the vibrantly green plants we saw in the more wooded areas of the trail. There were also many tall trees. Some of the trees looked like their bark was peeling off, shedding their old skin to begin anew in the upcoming Spring. The branches overhead intertwined so that it was hard to tell where one tree ended and nother began. I felt so calm and happy up there, surrounded by trees and silence. I loved that Heather was giving me such a comfortable ride. I was able to look around a lot without feeling nervous about momentarily taking my eyes off the trail.

I found myself wishing I'd brought my camera (I'd left in my car!). Soon, though, we ran into a really nice lady who asked if she could take our picture! We said yes, and she did. We chatted with her a bit and then I asked if she'd email them to me. She said she would, and she did! So cool! Thanks, Diane!

       We continued on our way and even did some trotting, which scared me far less than I thought it would. It was even kind of fun! (My ass might tell you another story, though. Ouch.)

A lot of memories came back to me while I was riding Heather. I could hear my former riding instructor's voice in my head reminding me to keep good posture, to tuck my hips under more, not to grip the horse with my legs, not to lean forward, etc. I even remembered how to guide her with my legs really early on. It was kind of awesome having all those things come back to me like that.

We took a turn and saw some folks walking with their dogs. Poor Gracie got all upset. She was attacked by a dog only a few months ago. She's healed physically, but the poor girl developed a phobia of dogs, naturally. She was quite concerned by the ones we saw, even though the owners held their collars. E. told me to let Heather go first. I did, and it worked -- Gracie felt much more confident following her mom. After that, Gracie became quite concerned any time she couldn't see around a bend in the trail. I ended up riding Heather in front of her for a good chunk of the ride.

Then we came across some running water. It was extremely shallow and not very wide. Not much more than a little trickle on the ground, really. The horses bent down, seemingly to take a look. Then they began drinking, which was unexpectedly amusing. It just so happens that Gracie slurps her water! She was making all kinds of noisy, slurpy sounds that just cracked me up! E. and I sat there giggling at Gracie while Heather drank next to her, perfectly poised and silent as she sipped the water daintily. The more I think of it, the more I realize what an inappropriate name Gracie has!

On and on we went. I knew we'd been out there a while, but it didn't feel long, really. I didn't feel impatient for it to end. Okay, sometimes I did. My knees were so stiff and hurt a lot at one point, and that made me just want to get off the horse, but I hung in there. I'm glad I did. Being out there was really cool. I loved relaxing and just feeling the movement of Heather's steps on the ground beneath us. So soothing and rhythmic.

Riding horses can be funny, though, because horses don't take you into account when they go places. As long as they clear a tree branch, for example, they'll walk under it. It's important to look out for stuff like that. So Heather walked me very near some scratchy branches. When I realized I wasn't going to get her away from them in time, I leaned far to the left. Then I almost lost my balance and quickly pulled back up! I'd missed the scratchy branches, but with near-disastrous results! I said to Heather (well, to myself), "Okay! That didn't work. Next time? Less leaning, more scratching!" Then I laughed, because I amuse myself. The next time, I did indeed let myself get scratched, which left red marks all the way up my arm. Not thirty seconds later, Heather actually intentionally made a beeline for more scratchy branches!! Luckily, I noticed in time, and got her away from there. I think they must feel good through thick horse fur. But on my bare skin? Not so much.

The worst part of the whole journey was going down that same muddy hill I'd climbed with Gracie. The horses were slipping and sliding through it, trying to find proper footing. I had my legs straight, stiff, and pointed at an angle, down towards the ground. We were at such an incline that my body came up off the saddle several times. Once, Heather slipped quickly and I fell forward onto her and grabbed her mane, pushing myself back up, shaking a little and letting out an audible, "Aaa-aahh-hh..."

Then something incredible happened... I realized that even though I was afraid, I wasn't nearly as scared as I usually would have been. My heart wasn't racing. I was hanging in there. I realized I'd been envisioning Heather and I getting down the hill safely. There's something to be said for the calming power of visualization. I let myself trust Heather. I knew she'd done this trail a thousand times, even though I hadn't. I knew she could figure out where to step, so I gave a lot of power to her and just had faith we'd get through it okay. And the really amazing part? I realized I'd automatically begun my meditation breathing while heading down that hill. My therapist said if I meditated frequently enough, the deep breathing would just kick in automatically in stressful situations, that I'd train my body to react in a way that would calm me down. I thought that sounded great, but wondered if it would ever happen to me. And then it did! I was terrified, on the verge of panicking, and my body just started deeply breathing, inhaling for ten counts, exhaling for ten counts. When I became aware of the fact that I was doing this, I smiled and then consciously continued breathing deeply the rest of the way down the hill, probably 15 or 20 more minutes, most of which was dry, solid ground, thankfully.

We got to another muddy area closer to the bottom of the hill. I told Heather, "Woah!" but then she continued along with confidence and actually walked me all the way to the mounting block. There, she stopped right next to it and stood perfectly still while I dismounted. What a cool horse!

I waited for E. and Gracie. Then all four of us passed through the gate. We took the equipment off the horses and brushed them, then let them graze around the yard while we put everything back in the riding shed. I couldn't believe how sore and stiff I felt! I also couldn't believe how much mud I'd collected on my clothes! Still, I felt happy and light, proud of myself for remaining calm and glad to have experienced such an interesting day! I thanked E. and she said she was glad I wasn't put off by the rough start. I laughed and said that was all okay, and that I'd had a wonderful time with Heather.

We gathered up the horses and sent them back through the gate to head up the hill on their own and join the other horses. Then E. and I headed out towards our respective homes as well, with promises to do this again soon. I'm really looking forward to it!