It seems as though my car has not had any further sexual escapades as of late. He is, however, giving me headaches in another area, and I've got to figure out what to do. See, I'm trying to get him registered right now as a California vehicle, which sounds a lot easier than it is turning out to be. Thursday was the second DMV visit, which could have turned out far worse than it did.

I walked up to the window, after the usual ages-long wait in line, and the woman there seemed really impatient and annoyed. But, I was in a good mood that day and knew I'd keep my cool no matter what she decided to throw at me, if anything. I told the woman I was there to pay my $84 fee, and handed her my paperwork.

She said, "Is this a salvaged vehicle?" to which I replied, "Yes," and she responded, "Oh, there's a fee for that."

I tried not to tense up as she click-click-clicked on her keyboard. She printed up a piece of paper and handed it to me, showing me all the reasons I owed $136. Noooo..., I thought, wondering what would happen if I totally blew a gasket. I knew I wouldn't, though. Like I said, I'd come in there in a good mood, and was determined to stay that way, damn it!

"Well," I said out loud, sounding disappointed, but not shattered, and not at all like I was going to spew angry venom her way (which I'm sure she must get a lot), "I don't have that, so that would have really been helpful to know two days ago."

"Do you want to pay ANY of it?" she asked.

"Well, yeah," I said, holding my cash in hand.

She made a face, then said, "Hmm. Wait." Then she got up and walked off to ask someone a question. She took a long time talking to different people, so (and this is where a great majority of you might think I have totally lost it, but hey, que sera sera) I imagined sending positive energy to her. I heard that can help to lighten people up, so I figured, what the hell? Why not try it?

When the lady returned, she was holding a big book and looked up Texas, where my car is from. Then she copied the page for me, highlighted something, and told me that the fee was actually only two dollars and I now only owed a total of $86. I just about fell on the damn floor, dude. And hey, I'm not saying the positive energy I sent her did the trick, but it sure as hell didn't hurt!

I paid her $83. I had another dollar in quarters, but she didn't seem to want to accept that. She told me to get a smog check and get an inspection by CHP, then return with all that paperwork and $3 by March 31, and then, my car will be officially registered. Then she handed me my temporary registration card to stick in my window. I thanked her and walked out of the DMV and onto Cloud 9. Temporary registration is a beautiful thing.

I went home and did some research, and that's when Cloud 9 must have turned to rain beneath my feet and disappeared. It turns out that in order for my salvaged car to pass inspection by CHP, I have to have all airbags in place and functional. Now, seeing as how I have no airbags whatsoever in my car at the moment, this is a problem. When my poor car was originally totaled, the airbags deployed, and were removed. Then it was placed on auction where my dad purchased it, fixed it, and sent in my way, sans airbags. I should have known that would come back to haunt me. Maybe all things that come back from the dead really are evil, as the horror movies would have me believe.

Well, anyway, all I need to do is just buy some airbags, right? Again, easier said than done.

Did you know that one brand new airbag costs right around $1,500? Oh yes. It's true. And as luck would have it, I need two! And someone to install them. And, I'm kind of broke. These ingredients do not a tasty pie make.

Now the question is, which option is least expensive? --

a) Finding someone right here in California from whom I can buy the airbags and have them installed?

b) Purchase airbags for a lower price online and either find someone to install them or try it myself (ha!)?

c) Let my dad purchase the airbags for me where he lives for a pretty reasonable price and have his mechanic install them (which yes, would mean taking the car back to Texas for a brief period of time)?

And now, the follow-up question to option (c): Is a road trip to and from Texas plus the cost of the airbags more expensive than option (a) or not?

Only time will tell. I'm going to see who I can get an estimate from this week, so I can compare options a little more thoroughly. And then I'm going to give my car a good talking-to about not being such a pain in my ass once this ordeal is all over with.