So. How are you? Me? Well, I can tell you one thing. PMS pretty much sucks!

I've spent the last day or so feeling out of sorts, alternately giddy or down in the dumps, and on the verge of tears either way. Also, I feel fat lately, and have been fighting very impatient/annoyed feelings at being overweight. That didn't stop me from eating cake tonight, though. Mmm, ice cream cake...

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine sooner or later; it's just a pain to deal with. I hate feeling crazy/unstable. And I hate crying in front of classmates. Like I did today. Blah. In my defense, though, it was partially Statistics's fault. You heard me, the entire discipline! Heh. Just kidding. Sort of. Statistics, what a bastard.

Okay, so here's what happened. I already felt all crazy and hormonal. But, before class, I completed the entire practice quiz for Stats and felt very excited. Finally, I said to myself, finally, I'm beginning to get a real grasp on all this! I ate a crappy taco from Taco Bell (yes, on campus), and saw a guy's puppy running around. Aww, cute. She grabs something (a leaf, maybe?) and he tells her to drop it. When she does not, he goes over to her and grabs her roughly by the scruff of her neck, yells at her, shaking her a bit, then puts both hands on either side of her face and screams, "NO!!!" two inches from her little baby-dog snout. (This guy could be setting himself up for disaster with that maneuver, by the way. The last person I know who did that got her face ripped apart. She went to the ER for emergency and corrective surgery. The dog was put down. I know, I wish I were kidding, too.) I wanted to say something. Oh, god, did I ever. A minute passed and I asked if I could pet his puppy. He said yes. I pet her and asked her age, stalling, trying to think of a way to tell him I could help him, I could train his puppy, I could make things easier for him to deal with her so that he wouldn't feel the need to treat her like that. But I couldn't think of a way to start, and he just said, "Have a good one," kind of quietly before he walked away. "You too," I said faintly. I must have looked like Lenny just sort of awkwardly standing there, petting the pup, not speaking. Tell me 'bout the rabbits, George.... I don't know why I didn't say anything. Maybe I was afraid he'd jump down my throat too and that I'd burst into tears. I teared up anyway as I headed off to class.

Before all this, by the way, I laid on the lawn under a tree and meditated. That made me feel serene and happy, like I was floating on air. Lying on the grass at my school, like a real university student... which I AM (weird!). It was great.

As I walked to class I tried to get my bearings back, to feel happy like I had when I'd relaxed on the lawn, to concentrate on Statistics instead of that jerky guy. Class started and my TA proceeded to go over the practice quiz. With each and every answer he gave us, I grew more and more upset. A few tears escaped from my eyes as I circled all the right answers, none of which I'd come up with on my own. He kept phrasing things like, "If you really knew your stuff, that question shouldn't have been a problem for you." Well, yeah, guess what? It's a problem for me.

I almost made it. As I walked and talked with my friends after class, they asked how I was doing, so I told them I was upset. I heard my voice waver. But I took a deep breath and I might have actually been in the clear. Except that one of my friends put her arm around me and hugged me. It was terribly sweet and that pushed me over the edge and I cried. I just needed to release all that built up frustration, you know? But we all talked, about studying, reading, catching up, study groups, office hours, tutors, etc. One of them reminded me it was a practice quiz, not a real grade, and that I have time before the actual exam to figure everything out, to ask questions, to understand. They helped me get myself back in the right frame of mind, and after I ate lunch and drank some water with them, I felt a lot more sane and confident. I can do this. It'll take an ass-load of work, but I can do it. The other point I keep reminding myself of is, this is my only difficult class. The other three require lots of reading, sure, a bit of writing, but that's not a big deal. This is the only class I have that makes me want to scream, so this is the one I can concentrate on. Knowing my friend (the one who hugged me) had burst into tears and hyperventilation over Chemistry earlier in the week made me feel better, as did all the advice I got from the two of them. God, it's good to already have friends at school. Orientation was such a good idea. (I swear, I'll write about it one day soon!)

So, feeling a little discouraged, a little overwhelmed, a little hopeful, and a lot behind in my work. Welcome to UCLA! Heh.

In other news:

Right now, I'm just paying daily for parking and it's working out okay. Sometimes I park at school and sometimes at the $5 lot. It's sort of expensive, but whatever. Hopefully next quarter, I'll actually have a permit. For now, this is fine.

I found a way to stop my eyeballs from hurting -- wear my reading glasses! All the time! Not just for reading anymore! Woo! Yeah. Ergh. I'm not too thrilled about that, actually, and plan on seeing the doctor sometime soon for an eyeball assessment. But hey, if I have to wear glasses full time, I'll deal. I'll definitely get myself some new frames though. The frames I got when I was 15 are no longer cool and were never very flattering. Oy.

As I walked sluggishly back to my car this afternoon, I saw a girl with a dog up ahead. I walked a little faster to get a closer look at the poochie, and ended up catching up to them. We all stood together at a stoplight, waiting for the little neon man to tell us it was okay to walk. I complimented her dog and asked if I could pet him. She said yes, and then we chatted all the way back to the parking lot. I guess parking in a galaxy far, far away has its benefits, because not only did we have time to carry on a nice conversation about dogs, we also exchanged email addresses. Well, she was carrying her dog at the time, so I just gave her mine. I hope I hear from her! I like talking to cool people like that. It put me in a very nice mood for the drive home.

The weather did, too! It was cold outside today! Cold wind and grey clouds, broken up occasionally by the sun shining through. Absolutely beautiful! Much nicer than the warm, not-at-all-Fall weather we've been having. I welcome the autumnal cold fronts!

I've been driving surface streets lately, since the freeway's been nuts. On Wednesday, it was so backed up (because of an accident, I later found out) that I was late. In fact, I was late before I ever got anywhere close to school, so I got off the freeway, got back on in the other direction, and travelled 20 minutes home (it had taken me an hour and twenty minutes to get as far as I did!). At least I had Howard Stern to entertain me, though. There are bright sides to freeway hell. I'm a little bummed that I missed lecture, though.

I'm going to the zoo tomorrow! Not Little Zoo, the L.A. Zoo, with Kirsten! Cool stories to come, I'm sure. Sunday, it's all about the studying. I'm going to kick this class's ass! No matter how much I want to, I'm not quitting. Instead, I'll become stealth Stats Warrior! Wielding my trusty formulas and t-distribution tables wherever I go!!! Hopefully, I'll have good Stats news to report soon. I'm 95% confident that will be the case! HA! HAHA..aha. Okay, enough lame Stats humor. Wish me luck!