Today's midterm sucked. I was not the only person who thought so, either. When I left the exam, with only three minutes to spare, the room was still packed! No one I talked to said they thought they did well. I guess we'll see what happens!

Wednesday's midterms were a lot better. I felt good leaving both tests - Chemistry and Adolescent Development. At least with Adolescent Dev., I could reason through the problem, use process of elimination. Today's midterm was a lot of pure guesswork. Which... does not bode well.

After lunch, I went to Chemistry, and to my surprise, they'd already graded all the exams! Before I got there, he'd handed them out to my row, but not my seat. So I had to wait for him to come back around to me. In the mean time, one friend on my left said, "Um, is this out of 100 points?" to me and my other friend on my right. We nodded, and she said, "Oh." Her grade was in the 50s. The friend on my right showed me her grade. 64. OH NO!, I thought, What if I was being overly optimistic when I left the test on Wednesday and I actually made tons of mistakes?? Then my professor handed me my test and "Jill" (the friend on the right) said, "I hope you did good!"

"Thanks, me too!" I said. I flipped open to the last page, and we both saw my grade at the same time. Jill actually gasped! I laughed and said, "Oh.. my god!"

91, people. NINETY-ONE. That would be a big giant A!

WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!

I am incredibly happy!

Later, Jill asked me two interesting questions.

One was, "How did you study for the chem test?" I felt bad, because I basically had to admit that I didn't really. I mean, I did our homework assignments and went to office hours. I looked over the lecture notes. Sort of. But that was it. I know she studied way harder than I did, because she did all of those things and more. I don't know what to say - I guess I'm finally understanding Chemistry, and it's really awesome!

As we walked, she asked me something else. First, I'd said I wouldn't be surprised if I failed the Personality Dev. test from this morning. She is in that class too. And she said, "How do you not let it bother you?" She was really bummed about her Chem grade, and worrying about her final grade for the course and stuff. I realized I used to be a lot like her, getting really freaked out about tests and grades and stuff.

In a nutshell, I said I think it's because I realized there are so many other things out there in life that are bigger than grades. I've been facing a lot of weird huge life stuff. When Sybil died, I thought about my own mortality for a long time, about the impermanence of life, the impermanence of the people in my life, and how that made me feel sad and vulnerable and an array of other emotions. I know a lot of people experiencing health problems right now, too (including my mom's recent diagnosis of osteoperosis in her spine), which makes me realize how important it is to enjoy life, to get out there and run in the grass or something, instead of fretting about tiny details like grades. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy getting good grades. Quite a bit, in fact! I just know they're not everything in life. I'm going to have an amazing career regardless of the grades I get. You know? That's another thing - I love going to Little Zoo. Being there makes me feel like, yes, THIS is what living should be, experiencing the awesome fun that life has to offer! Compared to that feeling, tests don't seem like much in the grand scheme of things. They do have their place, of course. They are landmarks on the road to that wonderful moment when I'll walk across UCLA's stage as a college graduate, and that will be incredible. But they're not worth making myself sick over, which is what I used to do.

I'm really glad I haven't been freaking out over school. That would make it far less enjoyable, and I actually do enjoy it right now. I'm learning cool stuff! Hopefully, my friend can dial down her stress a bit, too. I hope so, because from the way I experienced it anyway, stressing like that was never a good feeling. I much prefer to experience school the way I am now. I'm having a good quarter, and I'm grateful for that.