So I signed up for Holidailies again this year! I had fun with it last year, and I do love a challenge. Writing every day from today until January 6th will definitely be that, and it should be fun, too, so here we go!

Well, I'm sure people are starting off Holidailies with tales of Christmas cheer or Christmas angst, or some sort of holiday related shenanigans, but me? My mind is not on the holidays right now, people. Instead of Oh Holy Night flowing merrily through my head, the only thought consuming me right now is Oh, holy shit!, because DUDE - I have a big ol' final tomorrow, in a class I am failing, and my one little hope is that I might pass this class with a C.

I spent a good portion of the day solidly learning three chapters. Do you know how many I'm being tested on? SEVEN. I may not sleep tonight. I can't tell you how much I'd love to pull this one off, to just get through it and not have to repeat it. Think good test thoughts for me, if you're feeling up to it.

In other news, I've calmed down a little about the previously mentioned freakout. I had mentioned thoughts of different career options and possible grad school to Joe, but we didn't really talk about it until last night. We had a good conversation in which he really helped me think things out. In talking to him, I kept hearing myself say, "I'm not sure I want to work in animal care, because I'm scared that..." X, Y, and Z.

And why would I want to make decisions based solely on fear? That's not cool.

Then Joe shared something with me. Someone had recently told him that when he talks about certain aspects of work, he just lights up. He said he hadn't even realized that about himself, then asked me, "Shouldn't you do what makes you light up? Just ask yourself what that is."

I think I know. I could read volumes of animal facts and never get bored. I could see wildlife scurry by me every single day and it would never cease to put a smile on my face. I live for working with animals. And I can't give up on that yet. As competitive as it is, as low-paying, as uncertain as that path may be... I've still got to try it out. I won't give up until I've truly exhausted the animal care pathways. In the meantime, I still have a year before I would consider applying for graduate school. I'm not sure if I will or I won't, but I keep reminding myself that nothing is forever. People reinvent their lives all the time. Things feel so permanent, and it is that very permanance, that inkling that I can never go back, never change my mind, that has been freaking me out the most. But not only is that not true, that's way too much pressure, man. All I can do right now is take things one little step at a time. And the next little step is passing this final tomorrow. Back to the books, I guess...