I am afraid to change. But that's okay, because so is everyone else. I also don't know how to change, or what, exactly, I want to change (or am willing to). But I know I need to change, because let's face it, spending hours upon hours in front of the t.v. and the computer every single day is not going to do anything except make me gain weight. Not maintain. GAIN. And cause gunk to build up in my arteries, and sap my energy, and all sorts of unpleasantries. And that's not what I want. I want to feel young (because I am!) and healthy and have fun out in the world. I see myself kayaking in my mind's eye. So I need to actually, um, do that? Right.

I think, though, that I need to start out simply. After all, my professor clued me in to the whole change thing in my Personality class...

He said that people are notorious for failing at trying to change, because it's very difficult. But being the optimists that we are, we tend to overestimate the ease of change, and underestimate the amount of time it will take to change. Change can only occur with many repeated trials, and even then, it's no guarantee that permanent change will be a success. Twenty-five per cent of all resolutions fail within the first week, and 60% don't make it past six months. Almost every smoker who quits will relapse once in their lives. And people who keep dieting will gain weight in the long run.

However, looking thin and being sober and cigarette-free are all so appealing to everyone, that we all assume these must be accessible, easy goals. Clearly, the cigarettes are just too strong an addiction, or the diet just wasn't structured right. We make excuses so that we have a reason to want to start over. Recommitting feels good. People report feeling better after making an appointment to see a therapist before their appointment ever arrives. Committing and recommitting to change makes us feel good, so we keep coming back for more.

The good news is, coming back, trying again, repeating these trials and efforts DOES lead to success for some people. But it can take up to five years for the changes to really stick. So, it's important to keep the following things in mind:

1) Be realistic about what is actually possible (losing 1 lb a month is actually possible. Losing 3 lbs a week, every week, for 6 months straight? Probably not! Discouraging yourself by making goals that are too big will not help you.)

2) Be honest with yourself: Are you the problem? Where are you failing? Do you really want to change? What are you willing to change, and what aren't you?

3) Be persistent

All of the above is just a portion of what I had to learn for the final exam! And I got an A on that test, so clearly, I'm an expert! (Kidding, of course! About the expert part. I really did get an A.)

But seriously, what this has me thinking is that I'm not a failure for saying, "No really, I'm going to get back in shape!" for the past three years (maybe more?), and then not doing it. I'm a human being. We all have a hard time doing this! So, time to get back up on that horse yet again, and try, try again.

I'm going to start with these goals for the next two weeks:

1) Drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water, which is about 2 liters, every day.

2) Take a walk every day (minimum of ten minutes).

3) Go grocery shopping! No fast food.

This past week, I've had a headcold from hell, so I was in no position to exercise or cook dinner/handle food. But now, I'm feeling better. And the above goals are a good way to have a fresh start! So, yet again - here I go, again!!