I haven't cried at the end of a class in a long time, possibly since middle school. That's why it was such a surprise when I found myself in tears today, the last day of my Social Psych Lab! I wasn't expecting class to take a sentimental turn, but my awesome T.A. wanted to give us some parting words and she totally got all choked up talking to us. I can't watch people cry and not cry myself, especially when I like them as much as I like her. She saw me and said, "No, don't you cry along with me!" and I said, "I can't help it; you're totally making me cry!"

She cracked everyone up, though, when she said, "And it's so retarded that I'm crying this much, oh my god!" She told us that this was her last quarter before graduating from her Master's program, and that her other classes were so difficult and not personally relevant to her. They were just the required courses you have to go through to get the degree. She said that she always looked forward to seeing us each and every class and that all those things put together just made it a very sentimental experience for her. I think that's why I was so sentimental, too - It's my last quarter. This is it. And I totally had a fun time in that class, too.

My T.A. is a great person, and I totally plan to keep in touch with her. My professor was really wonderful and sweet, too. When I said good-bye to my professor at the end, she thanked me for all the "valuable comments [I] added to every class"! That was really cool.

Anyway, after her closing remarks, my T.A. showed us a slideshow she had created for her end of the year banquet for the Public Health department (her field of study). It was about all the health problems in the world, accompanied by the always moving song, "Imagine," as well as photographs of intense situations - the homeless, babies born underweight, malnourished kids, orphans sleeping on makeshift mattresses on the floor, AIDS patients. One slide said something about 1 in 10 kids worldwide won't make it to their first birthday, and it showed an adult's hand holding a baby's foot, and that foot was SO very small. Needless to say, the waterworks that had begun while she spoke were cranked up a notch by that presentation! That was just the first part, too! And I want to point out that the pictures didn't seem emotionally manipulative, or extra severe or anything like that. They just seemed like candid pictures of the things children and adults face, and it is powerful to be reminded of those situations, the things you don't necessarily see everyday.

The second half of the slideshow recognized people in the public health program for their amazing achievements - helping out with Planned Parenthood clinics in third world countries, a monk who started a children's health service in Tibet, teaching family planning to people in third world countries to reduce unwanted pregnancies, people starting AIDS education, and other health clinics in underpriveleged neighborhoods... A multitude of ways that people here at school have made real efforts for positive change in the world.

To be honest, I'd lost sight of that. The other day, I took a walk with a classmate, and we talked about what we wanted to do with our lives and how confusing that can be for new graduates. She said, "You just have to be sure that you feel like you're really making a difference in the world." I said, "Yeah..." while thinking that that kind of optimism and idealism was only for 21 year olds who haven't yet stepped out into the "real world." It wasn't for those of us who can see that the majority of jobs don't allow for any kind of positive impact in peoples' lives, that most people go into the world to make a buck and live the lifestyle they desire and just kind of plod along. I mean, with 6 billion people in the world, not everyone's going to make a huge difference to humanity in any meaningful way, right?

These are the types of thoughts I'd been stuck on lately. And that presentation... I don't know. The tears kept coming as I felt renewed hope in my heart, renewed belief that we really can do with our lives what we want. Maybe it is true that not all the 6 billion people on the planet will do meaningful work in their lives. But it is true that any of us could. We can make a difference if that's what we want to do. Not every job is a dead-end one. Not every job is thankless. I know that there are plenty of jobs that are, but it was nice to have a reminder that it is possible to touch peoples' lives, and help the world in positive ways, if that's what we want to do. It doesn't even have to be in huge ways. Helping people can be much more subtle than that. Being a professor, or being a T.A. and really inspiring your students to feel good about their lives and the way they impact the world is incredibly meaningful. Each job is what you make of it. As are our lives. And that was just so uplifting to be seeing things in a hopeful way again.

Probably the most touching thing my T.A. said was that while interviewing students for internships, she realized that it's not about what university you graduate from, or what your GPA is. "What matters is your charisma, your personality, who you are. And you ALL are so wonderful, and I know you'll do so great in life!"

What will I do in life? I don't really know yet. My career freakouts and subsequent plans have transformed a thousand times over since January, and it's very weird. Every job mentioned is a potential career option, now. The reason for that is that zookeeping is proving itself to be quite the crazy field. I have recently realized that the zoo I work at now, as a volunteer, is the best one for me to work at as an employee. However, it could literally take four years for me to get hired in a full time position, and that's being optimistic. It could take two years to get hired at all. But those student loans won't wait forever, so I need an actual paying job, while I volunteer with the animals! And I am open to being led down new roads, if that's the way it goes.

I applied for a job yesterday, and I hope I get it. It could be incredibly fascinating and rewarding. I don't want to say too much, so I'll leave it at that. (Of course, it is possible that nothing may come of it; I applied for zookeeping positions at a children's zoo and a tiger sanctuary recently, and nothing happened with either one.)

Regardless, I feel incredibly uplifted and more optimistic about the future than I've been in a long time. The world is full of possibilities, and I really can shape my life the way I want to.

It's nice to really believe that again.