I just thought I'd write to say I'm doing much better. It really is always a trip to lose people, to face mortality and think about these deep things in life. But then, life goes on, and I am grateful for that.

I've heard scientists say that the universe is expanding, but that eventually it will contract, and close in on itself, disappear completely, and new life will begin in the form of a new universe, a new Big Bang. It sounds kind of horrifying, that everything will one day be gone. But I've never quite seen it that way. Instead, it's always made me feel reassured, like life knows how to keep on living, even in the midst of so much death. It makes me feel that there will always be rebirth in some form, and that life and death really do go hand in hand.

I saw a show today about a mom who had been through breast cancer and chemotherapy and was in remission. Even though her prognosis was very good, she was very worried about her small children and her husband; she didn't want to die and leave them. And another woman told her, "You can't worry about 'what ifs.' Instead, think about what is." And I thought that was a pretty cool sentiment, a reminder to live in the here and now, and not freak out about the future, and who will leave this world next. This whole life and death thing is pretty bizarre, actually, when you think about it. I guess the trick is to go ahead and be aware enough of everyone's imminent mortality, so that you're reminded to live life to the fullest and not waste opportunities to live and love and share happiness with others, but not so aware that you're overwhelmed and depressed and frightened because of it. It's important to find that middle ground.

Of course, Steve Irwin's death really did not help get my mind off of these matters. And neither did the deaths of friends of friends (what is going on lately??). But maybe somehow knowing that death touches all our lives in many different ways shows us that there's common ground, that we're all just human, all vulnerable. Maybe this reminder can be used as motivation to reach out to people in little ways, to make those cool little connections that make you feel better about this crazy world we live in. Sometimes those random smiles or one minute conversations with strangers can influence someone's whole day for the better. I don't know. These are just the things I think about, sometimes, especially lately.