Today is September 11th. There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said by someone more eloquent than I. But I will say this - I cannot read or watch any of this 9/11 remembrance stuff. A news blurb preview recently asked about the city of Los Angeles, "What can we do to make sure we will never forget?" And to the news, I say, What the fuck are you talking about?? Who could forget?!

No one will ever forget where they were and what they were feeling on that day and how they continued to feel for a LONG time afterwards. I will never not feel sad when remembering that day, and I will also probably never be able to shake the feeling that I'm not worthy of feeling sad in the same way as the New Yorkers did and do. There are people who were there, while their hometown was attacked. I didn't experience the attacks in that same way, and to this day, have still never even visited the city (I plan to, though). But I still felt and feel a tremendous amount of heartache and empathy for New Yorkers, as well as for our entire nation. I still feel that same vulnerability and loss whenever I think back to that day. I honestly can't think of it for too long without crying.

I did watch one special the other evening, and I thought, It's been years. I'm sure I can watch this and remember, yet still feel okay. How very wrong I was! I felt that horrible pit in my chest, and later that night, found myself crying until that tension broke up and melted away. It's just hard to think of it all.

So many people died, and it was such a shock, and so many families are still hurting. I remember how scared I felt, how I longed to be back home with Joe, even though I was with my mom. I remember feeling like an adult, then, transformed from someone who rushes to the arms of her parents during a crisis, to someone who runs to the arms of her spouse. I remember worrying that more and more planes would come and blow up our cities one by one, wrecking the whole country. I remember getting my braces off that morning while no one spoke. We all just listened to the radio in sad silence. The weird part was that for the six weeks I had had that appointment, I so looked forward to that day. "September 11th, September 11th, yay, it's almost here!" It was just supposed to be that - removing my braces. A simple, goofy thing to celebrate. Important only to me. Instead, the day will forever be known as a horrible national tragedy, filled with tears, fears, anger, shock and confusion.

How can we make sure we never forget? By the simple fact that it happened. No one could ever forget something like that.

Short entries from 2001, 2002, 2003, all in one place. No entries for 2004, or 2005 on this day.